Who Are You Now? Finding Your Core Values in Recovery
So here we are, on the other side. We made it through the storm of addiction, or trauma, or mental health crises (maybe all of the above). And for the first time in a long time–maybe ever–we're healing. But maybe you’re the question "who even am I and what do I want for my life?"
After years of substances or maladaptive behaviors running the show, many of us are left with a fundamental question: What actually matters to me?
That's where core values come in. And no, this isn't just some feel-good exercise. This is about building a life we don't need to escape from.
What Core Values Actually Are
Think of core values as an internal compass. They're the fundamental beliefs that guide our decisions, relationships, and goals.
“When our actions align with our values, we feel authentic and satisfied. When they don’t, we feel that familiar sense of something being off.”
Important distinction: Core values aren't the same as core beliefs. Our beliefs are the lens through which we view the world—things like "people are fundamentally good" or "the world is dangerous." Our values are how we determine if what we're doing aligns with who we want to be. Values like honesty, curiosity, family, or justice (Fallon, 2025).
Values evolve. What mattered when we were in early recovery might look different two years in. And that's not failure—that's growth.
Why This Matters for Recovery
Many of us spent so long running from ourselves that we might not even know who we are anymore. Getting clear on our values gives us:
Decision-making clarity. When we know what matters, choices get easier. Does this job align with our values? Does this relationship? Does this boundary?
Increased satisfaction. When our daily life matches our values, we're not constantly fighting that internal battle. We're just... living.
Consistency during hard times. Recovery throws curveballs. Values keep us steady when everything else feels chaotic.
The goal here is cognitive congruence—when what we think and believe aligns with our words and actions (Fallon, 2025). It's the opposite of the cognitive dissonance we lived with for so long.
Be Who You Are, Not Who You Think You Should Be
Here's the hardest part: we have to be radically honest with ourselves.
It benefits no one to choose values we think make us look good. Picking "generosity" because it sounds noble when we actually value "independence" is a recipe for the same internal conflict we're trying to escape.
Look at your actual behaviors. How do your spend your time? What pisses you off when you see it violated in others? When was the last time you demonstrated loyalty, or creativity, or courage—and how did it feel?
Our actions reveal our real values, not our aspirational ones.
How to Find Your Core Values
Start with examination. Keep a journal. Talk to someone who knows you well and will be honest. Notice your reactions when you're watching TV or reading—what character behaviors bother you? What choices do you admire?
We recommend trying the values assessment at personalvalu.es. It uses a comparison method that helps you identify what truly matters versus what we think should matter.
Did you take the assessment? What surprised you about your results? Let us know or tell us your story!
“The goal isn’t to prove anything to anyone. The goal is to find peace, fulfillment, and alignment for ourselves, on our terms ”
Values Change—And That's Okay
Our values today might not be our values in two years. As recovery becomes less of a daily focus and more of a foundation, our priorities shift. That's not backsliding. That's becoming whole.
The goal is not perfection. The goal is to be honest about who we are and what we want. We're building lives worth living—lives we don't need to numb ourselves to tolerate.
That's the work. And it can be hard. But so is everything else worth doing.
Ready to dig deeper? Download our free Core Values Worksheet to start mapping what matters most to you.
References:
Developing core values: A guide to defining what matters most. (n.d.). Well Nourished Psych. https://wellnourishedpsych.com/developing-core-values-a-guide-to-defining-what-matters-most/
Fallon, S. (2025, October 16). What are core values and how do you find yours? How finding our core values helps us find our true selves. The Good Trade. https://www.thegoodtrade.com/features/what-are-core-values/
Hancock, J. (n.d.). What are your values? Deciding what's important in life and work. MindTools. https://www.mindtools.com/a5eygum/what-are-your-values
Personal values assessment. (2025). Personal Values. https://personalvalu.es
