Dealing with Grief and Loss During the Holidays: You're Not Alone
The holidays are supposed to be about joy, connection, and celebration. But when you're grieving the loss of a loved one, they can feel like an endurance test wrapped in twinkling lights.
Why the Holidays Hit Different When You're Grieving
Here's the truth: grief doesn't take a holiday. In fact, this season can amplify it.
Everything around you screams "family" and "togetherness" while you're acutely aware of the empty chair at the table. The music, the traditions, the smell of certain foods—they all become triggers that remind you of who's missing. Everyone else seems happy while you're just trying to survive until January.
According to AARP, "The holiday season can magnify our sense of loss and sorrow. Seasonal events can be painful reminders of the absence of loved ones" (Zapata, 2025). You're not being dramatic. This is genuinely hard.
Honoring Your Loved One (Without Falling Apart)
One thing that helps? Creating intentional ways to honor their memory.
This isn't about pretending everything is fine—it's about making space for them in your celebration. Light a candle at dinner. Make their favorite dish. Share a story. These small rituals acknowledge the reality: they mattered, they were here, and they're missed.
How to Honor Loved Ones
I enjoy baking the cookies my grandmother—my Nanny—always made. And I carefully clean, restore, and display the porcelain Christmas tree that was hers. It's a little ritual that keeps her close.
I tell my kids stories about her and my Pap. Like how Pap would sing "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" whenever he caught my brothers and me being naughty—any time of year. July? Didn't matter. He saw everything.
These moments don't erase the grief, but they transform it into something I can hold.
Healthy Ways to Cope (The Real Talk)
When emotions feel overwhelming, it's tempting to reach for something to numb the pain. But using substances or falling into maladaptive behaviors—like compulsive shopping during the holidays or isolating completely—only delays the grief and adds new problems to the pile.
Instead, try these:
• Set boundaries. Say no to events that feel like too much. True friends won't judge you.
• Plan ahead. Having an exit strategy can reduce anxiety.
• Take care of basics. Sleep, movement, and nourishing food matter more now than ever. Check out our holiday wellness guide for practical strategies.
• Feel your feelings. Cry when you need to. Grief isn't linear, and there's no timeline for healing.
• Get support. Lean on trusted people. You don't have to do this alone.
For more on leeping your recovery on track during the holidays, check out our Holiday Wellness Worksheet.
A Note on Estrangement
Grief during the holidays isn't only about death. If you're navigating being no-contact with family members, the holidays bring their own unique ache—the grief of what could have been, mixed with the boundaries you've set for your wellbeing.
If that hits home, read this article about dealing with estrangement during the holidays, because that kind of grief deserves its own space.
The holidays will never look the same after loss. But they can still hold meaning—just a different kind. Be gentle with yourself. Honor who you've lost in ways that feel true to you. And remember: you're not alone in this.
References
Doka, K. (n.d.). 3 C's of coping with the holidays. TruCare. https://www.trucare.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/3-Cs-of-Coping-Through-the-Holidays.pdf
Honor Connor Hold Onto Hope. (2021). Grief during the holidays. https://honorconnor.org/2021/12/grief-during-the-holidays/
Zapata, K. (2025, October 21). 7 gentle ways to get through the holidays after losing a loved one. Parents. https://www.parents.com/how-to-navigate-the-holidays-after-loss-6829088
